This ramble is about a friend, well really an ex-boyFRIEND...
I chatted briefly via text messaging with my DB a day or so ago, texting is the most impersonal way to let someone know your thinking of them, by the way. He thought I had already written about him in this blog, I hadn't so nows my chance...
We met... ommmmm I think almost 2 years ago to date. His eyes sparked in a way I hadn't really seen, when he looked into mine. I felt a bit more apprehensive. But needless to say we go out, have a ton of fun. In the very back of my mind I love being with him. He makes me laugh, he gets me sort of, it is more or less that he kinda just lets me be.
We wind up less than a year later and I feel trapped. We had stopped talking about anything important, stopped really seeming to care about each other. Just stopped. Maybe this trapped feeling is my vulnerabilities, maybe I was bored? Who knows because the minute we broke up, I felt like I lost my best friend.
We start to sort of hang out again... almost a year of this goes bye. Time is a funny thing, especially when your not in the very moment as it is happening. You can look up and bam it's been a lifetime. And we were on that loss of time and it was easy to be with each other and so much easier not to be committed to it. But then one day I wake up and realize that is what we were doing. Hanging with each other because it was easy.
DB has some things to work out and understand about himself, for that I miss him. I am a fixer and wish I could help. The only way I could help him is by walking away. DB is my friend will always be my friend, but somewhere in the very back of my heart, I knew we weren't going the same direction. He had fixed me.
I know you will find what your looking for... it has been with you all along.
Thank you DB for letting me go, Happy VDay... this rant was for you.
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